howcouldiknow

I am leaving my apartment of one year for a summer away in Chicago.  I am sitting on my floor in an empty apartment, marveling at the change the last year has brought to me.  A year ago I was so very frightened by the concept of moving up here; all alone it was completely terrifying.  The first two weeks I slept fully clothed somehow as a buffer to the discomfort and fear.  It was a lonely place for a while, partially because I had boxes stacked up and a blank canvas of an apartment.  Yet now here I am again, and the bare walls and empty floors now seem comfortable.  This is an empty space but one that I have conquered and survived; not just an apartment, my first time living alone.  Which is not just about being responsible to remember bills, turning off lights and cleaning up after yourself.  It was about keeping myself alive and happy without someone to come home to.  It was a difficult and necessary year, painful but worth it.  So now off to Chicago for three months to live with Ian and intern at the MCA.  I’m ready to move on, get me out of here.